At some point in the journey, most parents say “I just want my child to be happy.” Many times, parents share this in the midst of watching their child struggle. In those moments, parents often lament about how painful it is to watch their child suffer. Afterall, no one likes seeing their child in pain. Our instinct, as parents, is to fix whatever is wrong. While that is an understandable instinct, it can lead to counter-productive responses. Contrary to what you may think, alleviating your child’s struggles and suffering does not clear a path to their happiness. While stepping in and mitigating challenges may temporarily ease their discomfort, it ultimately deprives them of essential opportunities to build resilience, develop skills, and, ultimately, forge their own path to happiness.
The Role of Challenges in Growth
Life is full of struggles and challenges. As a parent of a teen, you are likely navigating difficulties in your professional, family, social, and personal life. Illness, loss, heartbreak, and uncertainty are realities we all face. One of the great heartbreaks of parenthood is recognizing that we cannot shield our children from life’s inevitable hardships. However, accepting this reality is crucial. Our role as parents is not to eliminate challenges but to equip our children with the tools to navigate them.
Being a teenager is inherently difficult. As much as we may want to make things easier for them, many factors are beyond our control. This is, in fact, a good thing. Adolescence provides a crucial training ground where teens can practice problem-solving, develop emotional resilience, and cultivate the mental fortitude they will need in adulthood. The next time your child faces a tough situation that you cannot fix, remind yourself that this struggle is part of their preparation for life.
The Connection Between Hard Work and Happiness
Happiness can be found through hard work, perseverance, and accomplishment. Think about the things in your life that bring you true happiness. Raising your children? Nurturing your relationship with your spouse? Accomplishing a goal you set for yourself? Achieving a professional milestone? Friendships? Exercise? The list of things that contribute to peoples’ happiness in life is long and varied. Regardless of what’s on your list, it is likely that they all share one thing in common. Most everything that brings us happiness requires effort, perseverance, commitment, and/or growth. In every case, you had to put in work to find happiness. In some cases, you had to work harder than you ever have. I’d venture to say that the things you’ve worked hardest at, those things that you’ve put the most of yourself into, those things that have sometimes broken your heart, pushed you to your limits, and brought about the most challenges are precisely the things that, in the end, bring the most joy, the most fulfillment, the greatest sense of accomplishment, and, ultimately, true happiness. We must remind ourselves, as parents, that our children have a right to experience those things that most challenge them. Because it is through those experiences that they will cultivate resilience, confidence, and, ultimately, happiness. Shielding them from difficulties may feel like an act of love, but in reality, it robs them of the opportunity to build the strength they will need to create a fulfilling life.
The Unintended Pressure of Happiness
Can telling your child you just want them to be happy inadvertently contribute to their unhappiness? It might. If a child believes your happiness hinges on their happiness, they may feel immense pressure to always appear happy. This can lead to feelings of failure or disappointment if they experience normal emotional struggles.
Our goal as parents should be to normalize the full spectrum of human emotions. It may be unpleasant to experience sadness, confusion, or frustration, but these emotions are part of life. If our child believes their unhappiness will lead to our disappointment, they may feel the urge to mask their feelings or shield us from their challenges in an effort to protect our feelings. Instead of emphasizing happiness as the ultimate goal, we should help our children understand that happiness is a byproduct of meaningful effort, perseverance, and personal growth.
Supporting Your Child Through Struggles
The next time you find yourself thinking, “I just want my child to be happy,” resist the urge to smooth out their path. Instead, consider the following approaches:
Resist the urge to fix everything. Rather than solving their problems, guide them in developing their own solutions. Help them build confidence by reinforcing their ability to handle challenges independently.
Embrace imperfection. Your child is still learning how to navigate life. Just as they stumbled when learning to walk, ride a bike, or drive a car, they will make mistakes. Their approach may differ from yours, and that’s okay. Growth comes from trial, error, and perseverance.
Offer guidance with restraint. As parents, we have wisdom and life experience to share, but it’s essential to strike a balance. When appropriate, offer insights as options rather than directives. If they seek advice, provide it in a way that empowers them to make their own decisions.
Encourage self-reliance. Allow your child to practice problem-solving now, when the stakes are lower. This experience will prepare them to make sound decisions later in life when the consequences may be greater.
True Happiness
True happiness does not come from a life free of challenges but from the ability to navigate difficulties with resilience and purpose. By allowing our children to face struggles, supporting them as they develop problem-solving skills, and reinforcing the value of perseverance, we give them the greatest gift: the ability to create their own happiness. Instead of striving to make their lives easy, let us focus on preparing them to handle life’s inevitable challenges with confidence and strength. So next time you find yourself struggling as you watch your child face challenges, remind yourself that they are, in fact, on a path to happiness, and know that it is a path they must travel as they prepare for the road of life.
Don't Struggle Alone!
Are you struggling as you watch your child face unhappiness or difficulties? Would you like support for yourself or your child through the challenges of adolescence? Thrive can help! Please reach out today for a free 15-minute inquiry call to discover how coaching can enhance your quality of life, help you find balance as a parent, support your teen through their challenges, and nurture a deeper connection with your child. Book online, email jenell@thriveconsultandcoach.com, or call 206-372-2135.
Excellent article! Thank you for posting